Golf in the Bedroom

Rules of Play

Each player shall provide his own equipment - normally one club and
two balls.
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the
hole.
For the most effective play, the club owner should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are
permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is
satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in
denied permission to play
the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course.
The experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire
course, with special
attention to well formed bunkers.
Players are encouraged not to mention other courses they have played,
or are currently
playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have
been known to
damage a player's equipment for this reason.
Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly
when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players
have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they
considered to be a private
course.
Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair.
Players are advised to be
extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play
at this time.
Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the
back nine.
Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker
pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
same course several
times in one month.

Golf hooking shots

It's the day after the wedding. The groom steps out of the bedroom, golf bag over his shoulder.
"Honey," he says, "I've got a confession to make. I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season."
The bride nods her head understandingly. "I've also got a confession to make, darling. I'm a hooker."
"No big deal," says the husband. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight."

Naked golfing

An avid golfer is lining up on the 17th tee. All of a sudden, a naked woman comes running out of the woods. She sprints across the green and disappears into the woods on the opposite side. The golfer smiles, shrugs, shifts his feet and bears down on the ball again. In the middle of his backswing, a guy in a white coat runs out of the woods.
"Excuse me," he says. "You didn't perhaps see a naked lady running past here?"
"Yes," says the golfer, pointing into the woods. "She went that-a-way."
The guy in the white coat thanks him and runs off. The golfer gets back to business.
At the height of his swing, he's interrupted again. It's another guy in a white cat. But this one is carrying a big red bucket full of sand.
"Excuse me," says the guy. "You didn't perhaps see a man in a white coat passing this way, running after a naked lady?"
"Yes," says the golfer, "They went that-a-way."
The guy thanks him, and prepares to dash off. But the golfer stops him. "Would you mind telling me what's going on around here?" he asks.
The guy explains. "You see, we work at the sanatorium up there on the hill. Every now and again, this woman manages to escape. All she wants to do is get naked and make love.
"Oh," says the golfer. "Well, what's the bucket of sand for?"
"The bucket of sand? That's my handicap," says the guy in the white coat. "I caught her last time!"

hard days golf

The golfer's wife is frantic. It's been hours since he went out to play his weekly round of golf. Two hours is okay, three hours is pushing it. But eight hours?
She's about to call the police, when her husband walks through the door and collapses on the couch.
"What took you so long?" she yells. "I've been frantic with worry!"
The husband catches his breath and says, "Let me tell you what happened. There we were at the fourth tee. Harry hits this magnificent drive. Then he keels over and dies on the spot. Heart attack."
"Oh no!" says his wife. "That's terrible!"
"You're darn right," says the husband. "All day long, it's been hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

Sand trap

A golfer slouches into the clubhouse after a particularly bad round. "Looks like you had a pretty rough day," says the pro. "You bet I did," sighs the golfer. "The best two balls I hit all day, was when I was coming out of the sand trap and stepped on the rake!"

Golf Stance

Minutes after beginning her round, a young woman is stung by a bee. She goes back to the pro shop and asks the pro what she should do. "Where were you stung?" he asks. "Between the first and second hole," she replies. "Well," says the pro, "first of all, your feet are too far apart."

Hole in One

Asked about the phenomenal improvement in his golfing game, John modestly puts it down to his choice of equipment. Instead of a golf ball, he uses a rabbit. Sure, it's a lot harder to hit, but wherever it lands, it heads straight for the hole.

Hole in One

Asked about the phenomenal improvement in his golfing game, John modestly puts it down to his choice of equipment. Instead of a golf ball, he uses a rabbit. Sure, it's a lot harder to hit, but wherever it lands, it heads straight for the hole.